考试期间的我，总是想得特别多。
想着有关紧要的，也想着无关紧要的……
8-1-2013 星期二
今天考 oral biochemistry，CA2 的第一张试卷。
心情是多么的紧张，也莫名的感到压力。
一打开考卷，一行行的abc.......尽收眼帘。
眼神呆滞，头脑更是放空了。
考试的首敌：紧张、害怕、脑袋空白、手指僵硬………………
我可是孤军作战啊！
首先，考卷先生给了我吃黄连，
还来不及皱眉，就来个回旋踢。好痛啊！
还没来得及喘气，降龙十八掌就已经把我打出千里之外了。
奄奄一息………… x.x
故事继续在我的沉思里。
“ at the first place, i should have pray and ask God to calm my heart. Yet, i forgot about Him. it's still okay. next, i should pray before i open the question paper. Bravo! I forgot again! Forgetting God for twice gave me a lesson. I couldnt answer one of questions which carried 10 marks. It's really a very 'good' news because i didnt read that topic! I left out that topic!
So, i told myself that i wil never print my notes double-sided again!!! i dont want such incident happened again in my life.
Suddenly i was so miserable and frustrated. and i started to questioning God. "hey, God, did You listen to my prayer? If yes, why You let this kind of things happen? You know that this will bring down my confident and my faith on you. I don't want to believe in you anymore. I don't want to go to church anymore. I don't want you to take control on my life. I want to take it back. I will control my own life." once i finished thinking in this way, I asked myself back. Who am I to decide it's good or bad? Am i really trust God? The answer is NO! My faith is just so little when things don't turn out the way that i expected. Question came again. How to trust God? by faith? How? Google is always the best search engine. I google-ed the question. I found my answer in an article "How can we trust God completely?"
As usual, there is only ONE way for us to develop trust in God -- daily bible study and prayer. Daily bible study? haha...if difficult for me to study bible every day even though i know that it's a must. Prayer? Yes. That's the simplest way. However, sometimes i hate prayer. Reason: my prayers are just like bubbles, "POP" and then disappeared. Those prayers remain uncertainty. While i went through those sentences, here the crucial sentences came.
"Prayer MUST be done on our knees - in total submission to God (if you don't want to pray on your knees, ask yourself "why?" Better yet, tell God why you don't!)
You'll NEVER find God until you get on your knees!"
That's it! I never pray on my knees.
I never surrender myself to God. After finish reading the article, i began to pray on my knees. the feeling is really different. I felt better and my broken heart is consoled after the prayer. ”
God is good. :) He will never leave you nor forsake you. All the time, we are the one who give up on God but God will never do so.
My life continues with the presence of God. I will enjoy everything I do because God is with me. and all the things I do, I do for the glory of God. Amen. :)
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